


santa cruz sand

by brandnewovernight



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety is mentioned, Depressing Themes, F/M, Liz is an alcoholic - Freeform, M/M, Mashton is on the side, There will be gay sex eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-07-01 08:02:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15769950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandnewovernight/pseuds/brandnewovernight
Summary: “You like someone who can't like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot. ”





	1. one • [oops]

**Author's Note:**

> Woo let's hear it for crappy descriptions ammirite? Nah but I originally wrote this on Wattpad and it isn't the best but here I am. Thanks for reading :-)

it's mesmerizing how the moonlight made things look fake sometimes. like the pool sitting 10 feet away from Luke was animated - almost as if it should be in a cartoon.

but Calum, he never looked so real. so alive and definitely not fake. not just a figure that would disappear in the blink of an eye.

sitting there in a pool chair watching him dance to whatever music was playing, Luke's heart was in knots.

he swears he could daydream there forever. instead of going up and dancing with Calum like a normal person would, he just wants to sit there and soak it in. (plus Luke definitely _does not_ want to admit that he's nervous about it)

nervous why? Luke's practically in a friend group with Calum and has known him since last year. but for some reason he feels closed off from him. feels like he's in a totally different realm when Calum was around him. while the brunette boy is all smiles and calm and collectedness, Luke is a confused, cripplingly anxious, and clumsy boy.

but the thing that Luke doesn't know is that Calum has his moments. he has days where he can't think straight and days where he isn't feeling himself. times where he's unsure of himself and his mind races at things that are easy to process...for some.

"hey man. you doing okay?" Michael slaps him lightly in the chest and breaks Luke out of his daydream.

the blonde quickly averts his eyes to his shoes to make sure Michael didn't catch who he was looking at. though, before he shifts his eyes to his mate, he steals a quick glance and sees that Calum is now leading a girl back into the house where the party is.

Luke wonders if anyone could tell that he wasn't too much of a partier.

"oh yeah I'm good. just not one for parties I guess." he takes a sip of some cheap beer from his red solo cup.

Michael nods but still looks concerned. "alright. tell me if there's anything bothering you, yeah?"

Luke nods with a tight smile. "hey, uh where's Ash at?"

the platinum blonde haired boy looks back at the house and shrugs. "last time I saw him I think he was singing Gaga karaoke." he said with a laugh.

Luke chuckled and nods. "I think I'm gonna get out of here soon though. I can take you home if you'd like?" the blonde got up out of the chair he was sat in.

"nah I think I'll give Ashton a ride home later. I'm pretty sure Cal was looking for a ride home though. I know you don't know him too well but if you wanna ask..." Michael trails off running a hand through his hair.

"uhh okay I'll go look for him." he already feels the slight panic rising in his stomach as his heart started beating out of his chest.

Luke follows Michael into the big house and they end up going their separate ways - Michael to go hang out with Ashton and Luke went on the hunt for Calum.

he really really _really_ hopes he doesn't have to go upstairs to find Calum. that is something he definitely does not want to do under any circumstances.

well...  
maybe some circumstances

the blonde shakes his head and sighed, wiping his clammy palms on his jeans and began walking toward the living room.

that's where he found Ashton standing on the table now joined by Michael singing Poker Face very loudly. Ashton draped himself all over Michael and is giggiling like life was the funniest thing in the world. Luke wish he felt like that.

then Luke makes his way around all the people watching his friends and into a room he assumed was the dining room. he saw a few people from various classes he was in throughout his high school career and says hello to the ones who were sober enough.

somehow he makes it into the kitchen which is still as crowded as every other room. seriously was everyone in the school invited to this? didn't people, like...sleep?

he guesses that the end of junior year was something to celebrate. it would make more sense if they were seniors but who was he to question the people who planned these parties.

after apologizing to people he bumped into, Luke continued on and found stairs leading to the basement. he heard music playing down there and the door is open so he assumes it was safe he wasn't going to interrupt anyone.

once down the stairs he looks around and quickly spots Calum sitting on the couch with the girl he saw earlier on his lap.

Luke internally rolls his eyes but collects and reminds himself that the feeling of jealousy would go away sooner or later. hopefully the latter.

he gains the courage to walk over where Calum was sitting. "hey Calum. um, Mike said you needed a ride home and I was about to head out if you wanted me to drop you off or something." 

Calum's brown eyes meet blue ones. Luke could feel a smile make it's way on his face because he could get lost in those eyes.

"yeah that'd be great man, thanks!" Calum nods with a big smile on his face.

Luke watches as he gives the girl on his lap a kiss and mumbles, "I'll see you Lacey." she giggles and scoots from Calum's lap to the couch cushion. Luke thinks he remembers her from chem or something

"ready?" Luke asks.

  Calum smiles with a nod, following him up the stairs.

the blonde is not excited once he realizes that Calum would be sitting in the passenger seat of his mom's sedan because his dad is using his car when he left the house earlier that evening. (not that his car was any better - it was just a Nissan)

on the way out the door Luke looks into the room where Ashton and Michael were before. he's surprised to see them casually making out and Luke makes a note to talk to Michael about that later.

  he glances back at Calum and ses him laughing his ass off at the face Luke is making. the blonde finds himself laughing just because Calum's laugh was so damn contagious.

  Luke shakes his head and mutters a, "let's go." to Calum as he opens the front door.

  the two boys walk the short block to Luke's car in a comfortable silence. it's a little awkward for Luke because god all he wants to do is talk to Calum. about the universe, the stars, whatever.

  but Calum makes him nervous.

"wow Hemmings, nice Sedan." Calum jokes with a shit eating grin on his face.

Luke rolls his eyes but smiles and unlocks the car. "thanks, I'll tell my mum you said that."

Calum smiles over at Luke like he holds the whole world in his hands and shuts the car door. "she has a great taste in cars."

the blonde turns the key in the ignition and hears the engine start up. "anything in particular you want to listen to?"

  "Joy Division?" Luke looks over at Calum and sees him curled up on the leather seat like he was a little kid, looking up at Luke expectantly.

Luke grins at him and plugs aux chord into his phone. he goes through his library and finds 'Atmosphere'.

out of the corner of his eye he watches Calum play air bass to the beginning of the song. throughout the song Luke does the drum bits.

though the song isn't very positive _,_ Luke _still_ finds himself out of breath and laughing with Calum at the end. he reaches for the volume and turns it down a bit, a Nirvana song playing in the background.

he looks over at Calum who's already looking at him. "so luke."

"so calum."

"what kind of bands do you like?" he rests his tan arms on his knees.

Luke takes a moment to think. "well obviously I like Joy Division. I'm also a big Nirvana fan and I love The Offspring. and my guilty pleasure is Panic! At The Disco but we don't talk about that one." he shrugged.

he tries not the freak out when he notices that Calum had shifted closer to him in his seat. Luke knows Calum isn't into him. even though he knew Calum was pansexual (because for some reason he direct messaged him on Instagram last year saying that he trusted Luke with this information) he's 85% sure Calum does not like him. besides he has Lacey which was his girlfriend or something.

"I think panic! is everyone's guilty pleasure. plus Brendon Urie is hot." he says and wiggles his eyebrows which causes Luke to laugh.

Luke pulls up to Calum's house about 5 minutes later. he wishes that Calum didn't have to leave, but Luke isn't about to invite him to hang out longer. he doesn't know how strict Calum's parents are, but Luke does know that his want him home

"this was fun Luke. we should hang out more often." Calum offers as he hops out of the Sedan.

Luke nodds and smiles geuinely, glad that Calum feels the same. "yeah, definitely."

he watches as Calum walks over to his side and leans into his window. "have a good night." the brunette says, pokes his dimple with a long, skinny finger and goes on his way.


	2. two • [june gloom]

  it's about three weeks since the last day of school and Luke can't believe that time moves so goddamn fast. he hates thinking about it because it feels like the more he thinks about it the faster the time goes.

  it doesn't really help either that his friends have sort of been hanging out without him. but it's his own fault, Luke just hasn't been in the mood to hang out...for three weeks.

  he feels like a ghost. it seems like he was just floating above himself and watching as he just lays on bed and tries to forget how much his parents fought and how his mum sleeps in Ben's old bedroom instead of with his dad because "he snores too loud and takes the sheets."

  tries to forget that his mum just isn't the same person she was when Luke was a little boy. tries to forget that he's the only one inside this godforsaken home because his brothers grew up and left him behind.   
    
  Luke rolls his blue eyes at the thought of his mother loving the bottle more than she could ever love him in a lifetime. he runs a hand through his hair and scrolls  through his Instagram feed for the thousandth time in the past 10 minutes.

  there's something new though, he notices. he scrolls to refresh and sees a picture of Calum and the girl at the party - Lacey. Luke can tell by the picture that they were in the local mall and he rolled his eyes yet again. something about Calum hanging out without him makes him a little jealous.

  he looks...happy. that's all Luke can ask for. he has her in his lap and his arms are around her waist and she's looking down at him smiling.

  fuck relationships. he scrolls past the picture without liking it.

  Luke decides, despite himself, that he's going to text Michael and ask him if he was busy. usually Michael spent summer as his time to play video games and sleep in till 2 in the afternoon so hopefully he'd be awake and near his phone.

  the blonde gets a response almost immediately that reads "nope. come over."

  he smiles at the text. though he tells himself he likes being alone, deep down he hates it. especially during times where he can't seem to get out of a funk. and this is definitely that time.

  Luke looks around his messy ass room. there are clothes strung out everywhere even though he's been wearing the same clothes that probably smell really bad but he didn't long to find out. his black and white bed sheets are upside down and put on the wrong way and he has about 5 water bottles crowding his bedside table.

 

  Michael doesn't live too far away and he figure he can just walk if his dad needs his car or already has it. Luke doesn't have any idea if his dad is home because the only time he left his room for the past couple days is for water and, occasionally, snacks.

  he tells himself he'll clean his room later, and focuses on getting ready to go to his friend's house.

Michael didn't specify whether anyone else was at his house at the time and Luke hopes, for his poor heart's sake, that it's just the two of them.

  Luke gets up from his bed and goes to find his dad. it's an easy task because Andy is just sitting in the living room watching TV.

  "do you need the car soon?" Andy jerks his head back to look at where Luke is standing.

  "yeah I'm going to Ben's to drop off some stuff for him to fix something." Andy explains. Luke nods and runs back upstairs.

  he was dressed in a t-shirt and skinny jeans. the day wasn't supposed to be that hot and he didn't sweat that much anyway.

*

  Luke knocks on the door and waits for somebody to answer. even though him and Michael have been friends for so long he could've probably just walked in, he doesn't really feel comfortable doing that.

  only a few seconds pass and Karen opens the door, a wide grin on her face. she immediately opens her arms to envelope Luke in a hug.

  she honestly gave the best hugs Luke has ever felt. it causes a pang in his heart when he realizes he's jealous of Michael. he wishes his mom would hug him or even just ask how he's doing once in a while.

  Luke pushes those thoughts aside as Karen releases him and lets him into her home. "Luke it's been so long! boy do you even eat anymore? you look like a twig. good thing I'm cooking lasagna!" she says excitedly and Luke can smell it.

  it smells like real home.

  "it smells amazing Mrs. Clifford." Luke told her with a smile on his face.

  she swats him on the chest and makes her way into the kitchen untying the apron from her waist. "don't call me that it makes me feel old. I've known you since you were in kindergarten, dear."   
    
  Luke shakes his head as memories of him and Michael playing over here all the time flood back to him. speaking of Michael. "where is your son at?"

  "the usual - in his bedroom playing those video games. I swear you boys are obsessed!" she exasperates, setting a timer on the stove for the lasagna to cook.

  he smiles and begins walking up the stairs in their house to get to Michael's room.

  "don't bring me into this, Karen! it's all Michael." Luke says with a laugh. she hollers something back that Luke doesn't quite hear, but laughs anyway.

  "dammit!" Luke hears from down the hall.

  he pushes open the white wooden door and there he finds Michael in front of his computer with headphones on. on the computer screen it shows that he had just go killed in Fortnite.

  "so the fortnite king finally gets slayed." Luke stated cockily leaning up against the doorframe.

  at that, Michael nearly has a heart attack. he jumps about a foot in the air and turns his swivel chair around to look at Luke, his hand on his heart.

  he honestly looks the same as Luke does. clothes seemingly dirty and hair messy. he's even wearing his glasses and not his contacts.

  "Christ, Luke I thought you were going to text me before you came over." Michael states, faux out of breath.

  Luke scrunches his eyebrows reaching for the phone in the back of his jeans. "I did text you?" he said questioningly.   
    
  Mike clicks the home button on his iPhone and it lights up. he has an unopened message from Luke saying. "im walking there so it'll be like 15 minutes"

  "oh sorry mate." he says with a chuckle (and slight embarrassment.) he gets up out of his chair and looks for clothes to wear today.

  Luke walks to Michael's bed and takes a seat on the navy duvet. "so I kind of have a question? and if you don't want to answer it that's fine I'm just curious."

  Michael sighs and closes his eyes. Luke assumed that it's because he's, like, annoying. but then a soft smile creeps onto the pale boys' lips.

  "is it about me and Ash?" he asks, opening his eyes that are viridescent this morning. Michael's stupidly pretty eyes are always so green in the summer.

  Luke feels his cheeks go a little pink at the memory of seeing his two mates who he once thought were straight making out against the wall.

  Michael shakes his head and wipes a hand over his face. Luke can't believe the besotted look that comes over Michael's face. in all his life he's only known his mate to look like that because of someone and that was this girl named Grace in the fifth grade. she just gave him a peck on the cheek and he didn't stop talking about it until finally 7th grade began and she moved away.

  "yup. what was that all about bro? obviously I'm not mad just a little shocked." Luke chuckles awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck. then let his hands fall down to his lap.

  Michael takes his shirt off and grabs some Degree deodorant from his dresser and applies it. "I don't even know man. it just sort of happened?"

  the blonde rolls his eyes fondly. "oh yeah and please explain how. and if there was a thing previously _why_ you didn't tell me."

  "well I had sorta this gigantic crush on him since we met him and Cal..what was it sophomore hear?" _yeah same here buddy,_ Luke thinks. "and then that night that thing happened and then we talked it out the next day and yeah. and don't blame this on me Lucas Robert, _you're_ the one who has been avoiding us for unknown reasons."

  Mike crosses his arms over his chest, still shirtless. Luke casts his eyes down where his hands are resting in his lap.

  Luke feels a frown fall on his face. he's really tired of thinking about his family. at this point he wish he had hung out with his friends. that would've probably made him feel better than staying at home trying to drown out his parents.

  "Luke?" the blonde is snapped away from his thoughts and now Michael's in an entirely new outfit. he was hoping Michael wouldn't ask-

  "what going on, man?" there it is.

  and isn't it funny that as soon as someone asks you "what's wrong" or "are you okay" that's when everything comes out. your lungs feel like they're being squeezed and you have a lump on your throat. because no you aren't okay and you just feel like you could spontaneously combust and no one would really bat an eye. just because they ask doesn't mean they care.

  he knows Michael does though. he knows that even though they had their spats and even though Luke pretends he wants to be alone sometimes, that Luke would always be his numero uno, and Michael his. after all they did make a pact when they were 12.

  "yeah no I'm good." well he _had_ the chance to talk to someone but nope. "it's just mum and all that. no biggie." he said sniffing. and no he wasn't crying.

  Michael pads over and sits on the duvet next to his best friend. he wraps his arms around Luke's torso and Luke loves him for it because it's like he can read his mind. he knows exactly what Luke needs.

  "I'm sorry Luke. and I know that doesn't do shit but I am. I know it can't be easy and it's not like I know exactly what you're going through but you know I'm here for you, mate." he lays his head on Luke's broad shoulder. the blonde just nods, having nothing else to say.


	3. three • [lonely but not when you hold me]

**"** what do you say we call Ash and Cal and see if they're down for going to the arcade?" Michael offers as Luke straightens up and looks at him.

the blonde boy nods. though he tries to deny it he really does want to see Calum. for some reason whenever they were together things were always good. they like the same sort of things and they laugh at the same jokes and it's perfect. or maybe its just because Luke has a crush.

"yeah that sounds good." he smiles. this time it's genuine because of Calum.

Michael nods and pulls his phone out of his back pocket. "he's kind of been obsessed with Lacey lately to be honest." he says with a chuckle.

Luke grimaces. his thoughts about Calum had to be ruined by Lacey. "oh yeah. are they, like, serious?"

smooth Luke.

Michael shrugs his shoulders searching for their group chat. "I don't know. they just started talking the night of the party so it's only been a couple weeks."

the blonde nods though Michael isn't looking at him. Luke tucks his feet under himself and waits for Mike to finish texting them.

he thinks a bit about telling Michael about his crush. the two boys have been friends for basically forever and they tell each other everything even though Michael didn't tell him about Ashton.

"I like Calum." he blurts out which isnt't how he wanted it to sound but here they are.

Luke watches with blue eyes as Michael stops and looks up from his phone slowly to lock eyes with him. the green in his eyes are piercing and it makes Luke feel guilty like he did something wrong.

"you do?" Michael asks clicking his phone off and turning so his full body was facing Luke.

he nodded because yeah he did. and it hurts. when he fell he fell fucking hard and when he fell his feelings got hurt. it seems like whenever he put his goddamn trust in anyone, _anyone_ they fucked it up.

of course he isn't blaming Calum for being precious and perfect and literally the only person that has caught Luke's eye in two years. he isn't blaming Calum for Luke liking him.

"yeah I do." Luke states, his voice getting scratchy. "I've liked him literally since I sat next to him in English."

"shit Luke." Michael rests his chin in his hand and sighs. "you're like a month late dude."

"I know and I hate myself." Luke falls flat on the bed his mind going a million miles a minute. he knows Calum is taken no matter how much he wishes he weren't.

Michael shakes his head and pickd up his phone again clicking it on. "well you need to forget those feelings for an hour or two because we're going to meet him and Ashton at the arcade."

*

"okay here's what you're gonna do, you-" Michael starts but Luke cuts him off with a hand on his chest.

they're currently walking toward the entrance to the arcade. Michael is trying to tell Luke how to act when he's been hiding this crush for 2 years.

"Mike. I've liked him for a while now I think I can contain myself."

"also wait a minute I didn't even know you liked guys." Luke rolls his eyes and opens the door to the arcade. "I didn't know you liked guys either."

his blue eyes scan the dark room and flashing lights looking for honey curls and ebony waves. he spots them standing at a Pac Man machine.

he begins walking over to them and feels fond at the way Calum is studying the machine so hard. and okay Luke is also kind of in love with the way Calum is biting his lip while playing.

"hey guys." Luke says, awkwardly standing next to Ashton watching Calum play.

"hey man. let's watch as Calum fails at his fourth try now." Ashton says exasperatedly.

Luke smirks as Calum's eyebrows knit together at that comment. he sighes in an angry way and rolls his eyes. about 5 seconds later, he loses and kicks the machine.

"bro, you break it you buy it." a teenage guy that obviously works there announces to Calum. the Maori boy mutters an apology and turns to Luke and Ashton.

Michael walks in a few seconds later and joins the three boys. the arcade is filled with little kids and it kind of makes them feel awkward since they were 17 year old boys but they didn't plan on leaving. the platinum blonde haired boy wraps an arm around Ashton's waist and kisses him on the cheek.

he whispers something in Ashton's ear and they walk toward the concession stand leaving Calum and Luke alone.

Calum gasps as his brown eyes fall onto Dance Dance revolution and he bolts over there, Luke quickly following after him. the blonde kind of felt like a lost puppy, following his crush around. but it's not like the brunette notices

"wanna play Luke?" Calum asks as he put in some coins to make it start. the blonde nods and steps onto the dancing pad. he used to come here all the time with Michael and he had to admit he was pretty good at it.

during their dance, people come up to them and surround them, watching them battle it out. at the end they were both sweaty and out of breath. and Luke scores higher than Calum.

"dammit!" the brunette yelld and stomps his feet. Luke put a shit eating grin on his face as he stood their proudly.

"aw is Calum sad because he didn't win? poor baby." Luke teases him, poking his sides a little bit. they feel squishy and Luke loves it.

Calum poutw and rolls his eyes. he pulls his phone out of his pocket presumably because he has a text. Luke sees him smile fondly at whatever he was looking at on his phone. he kind of wanted to die if the text was from who he thought it was.

"oh my god Luke, look." Calum says and shows Luke a picture of Lacey on his phone. "she's so cute. she thinks she can just send me these cute ass selfies like I won't gush over them."

Luke's throat goes dry and he kind of really wants to die at this moment. he wishes the ground would swallow him whole. "yeah." he says in a scratchy voice.

the brunette just sighs dreamily and types out a response. Luke just stood there awkwardly. he feels the need to escape and be literally anywhere but next to Calum at this moment.

"hey I gotta pee I'll be back in a minute." Luke says turning before he could get a response from Calum.

he looks up and finds a neon sign that says 'bathrooms' on it and heads for that. he feels a big lump in his throat forming and picks up his speed.

once Luke is in the bathroom the tears just started flooding.

the blonde locks himself in a stall and tries to pull himself together. it's just a stupid crush and stupid feelings. he knows how to push feelings away.

but what he feels for Calum comes in waves. right now he's drowning. it seems like he can't get his mind off of that goddamn heart warming smile and his contagious laugh. everywhere he looks he sees face dimples and chubby cheeks and chocolate brown eyes anyone could get lost in.

the way he gets Luke when no one else did. laughs at his dumb jokes that aren't funny but Luke tells them anyway because he doesn't know how to socialize.

he wipes the rest of his tears on his shirt. and shakes his head trying to get rid of his thoughts. he has a headache now from crying and that was just perfect. he looks down at the checkerboard floor and grimaces at how bad the bathroom smells

the blonde unlocks the stall door and goes to the sinks to splash some cold water on his face. when he looks up into the mirror his skin is visbly splotchy and he hopes it'll go away with the cold water.

he heads out the door and hoped no one notices anything is wrong. he walks to the machine to get out some coins.

* **big time skip**

Luke is lying in bed listening to music at 10 pm. he stares up at his ceiling and sings along to the words of The Kids Aren't Alright by The Offspring and does the drums on his thighs.

a few minutes later his music stops and he looks at his phone to see that someone is calling him. he quickly grabs it off of his bedside table and sees that it was an unknown number.

"hello?" Luke says and heard very loud music in the background. he figures it was just a wrong number.

"hey is this Luke." a voice slurs on the other line after a couple minutes. Luke cocks an eyebrow.

"yeah...Calum is this you?" he asks into the receiver. his heart js pounding out of his chest and Calum sounds drunk off of his ass.

"wassup baby how you doing?" Calum slurs into the phone with a giggle. Luke feels his face go red even though the pet name didn't mean anything.

"uh I'm good. the question is how are _you_ doing? and how did you get my number." Luke coughs, willing himself to relax a little bit.

"I'm great right now, absolutely fuckin' great. and I got it from Michael or Ashton or someone a while ago I think. I'm not a stalker I promise I'm cool. hey can you do me a fav tho?" he asks. Luke sighs knowing he'd do anything for him.

"sure dude. what's up?" he says casually, like he doesn't want to call him baby instead of dude.

"can you come pick me up? I'll get the address and send it to you. pweaseee?" Calum asks so sweetly and how could Luke say no to that?

"yeah sure. I'll leave soon."

"thank you Lukey pooky. love you so much." he says and hung up.

"yeah same here." Luke mumbles after clicking his phone off. the thing that the blonde didn't understand is why he called him and not his girlfriend who he loved so very much.

Luke just gets up from his bed and picked out something better to wear. Luke decides on some sweatpants that are tighter than the ones he was previously wearing and a v-neck shirt. is he trying to show off? a little.

his phone goes off and he knows its Calum sending him the address. he walks downstairs and grabs the keys from the bowl on the kitchen table and goes out to his car.

"307 brand rd ✨✨✨🤱" is what the text said. he isn't sure about the breastfeeding emoji but Luke just goes with it because Calum's a funny drunk.

it takes him about 15 minutes to get there and he silently thanks God that the house wasn't like an hour away.

when he pulls up he sends a text to Calum telling him he's here. he hopes Calum gets it and come out soon.

Luke waits about 7 minutes and Calum finally comes out and looked like a mess.

a beautiful mess, more or less.

Luke unlocks the car door and feels a smile on his lips as Calum stumbles to the car. the brunette opens the car door and basically falls into the passenger seat. dressed in ripped black jeans with black boots and a navy tank top, Luke couldn't keep his eyes off of him.

he looks really fucking good and Luke kind of really wants to kiss his swollen lips. "hey Lukey" Calum says leaning closer and pinching Luke's cheeks.

the blonde pushes him back softly so he's slumped in the passenger seat. "so to your house I'm guessing?" Luke asks.

the brunette's eyes widen as he lets out a small chuckle. he looks scared. Luke figures the statement sobered him up slightly.

"about that, heh," Calum says, awkwardly scratching his forearm. "if I go home my parents will disown me and I will have to find another family."

he says it so seriously with his eyes wide and scared like bambi that Luke is kind of scared for him. "so...what does this mean?"

"can I spend the night at yours? I told my parents I was spending the night with Ashton but he and Michael had plans." Calum says innocently looking at Luke expectantly.

"shit Cal," Luke groans banging his head against the steering wheel.

"please I promise I will never ask of anything from you ever ever again. ever." Calum says and sticks his bottom lip out in a pout.

Luke looks up at him and shakes his head knowing he'd go great distances for this boy. "alright fine."

*

"this is the guest room that used to be my older brother's. the bathroom is down the hallway to the right and my room is across from it. goodnight Calum." he says and leaves the brunette to it.

the blonde tries to forget that Calum fucking Hood is in his house when he climbs into bed but it's like an alarm that kept ringing in his head. it's not like they were sleeping together so it isn't a big deal.

15 minutes later of tossing and turning, Luke hears his door creak open. the next thing he knows, Calum is crawling into his bed next to him and wrapping an arm around his waist pulling him close.

he rubs his nose against Luke's bare shoulder and intertwines his legs with the taller boys'. "you're so cute Lukey."

so yeah, maybe Luke isn't blaming Calum for the crush he has on him.

but he is blaming him for stringing him along.


	4. four • [will you stay here with me]

  Luke wakes up in bed warmer than usual. he's positioned on his back with one hand under his head and the other on Calum's back.

  he glances down and sees the raven haired boy attached to him like a leech. Calum is practically on top of him and slightly drooling on Luke's bare chest. his tan arms are wrapped around Luke's pale torso.

  the memories of last night came back to him. Luke groans quietly and runs a hand over his face. he didn't have a clue on how he's going to explain this to his dad. he's usually strict on who spends the night at his house and Luke's curfew and all that.

  when he pulls his arms away, Calum stirs in his sleep. he clutches onto Luke tighter as one of his hands travel up to the blondes torso and squeezes one of his pecks.

Luke had taken to working out since last summer and had toned up pretty nicely. he wasn't the skinny kid he was freshman year. don't get him wrong, it's not like the girls were running after him but he wasn't bad looking either.

"you don't have boobs." Calum mutters with his eyes closed. "they're almost as big as my girlfriend's, but..." the boy trails off.

the blonde doesn't know how to take that. he assumes Calum is a boob guy?

  "I - okay. anyway you have to like leave." Luke states awkwardly trying to scoot away from Calum as much as he could.

  but the brunette has a very tight hold on him. Calum is on the soccer team so he's well built. he has thick thighs and strong legs and arms. his biceps are enough to make Luke-

  okay that's enough.

  "but why?" Calum asks, dragging out the y.

  Luke tries his best to not look the boy in the eye. of course he does though and sees that the boy was pouting. he seems to do that a lot. though Luke thinks different, deep down the blonde knows he would do anything for the older boy. but he really does not want to get in trouble with his dad.

  "well I don't want my dad to get like pissed or whatever that you're here." Luke trails off. Calum slides closer to Luke and latches on even tighter.

  and he's pissed. he really didn't fucking understand how he can sit here and cuddle with him when he has a girlfriend. Luke just doesn't do platonic cuddles with someone he has had a crush on for what seems like centuries.

  sure he would cuddle Michael and that would be fine because they've been friends forever. but Calum...Calum nuzzles his head in Luke's neck and his hair is fluffy and his lips are plump and his eyelashes are long. he rubs Luke's stomach and he squeezes his chest and Luke's head is about ready to explode.

  "just for a little longer?" he asks innocently and Luke thanks any gods above that he didn't wake up with morning wood because he's starting to feel things now.

  the blonde nods as Calum turns around. Luke wrapps his arms around him from the back and tucke his head beneath his chin.

  Luke doesn't catch the small smile on the Maori boy's lips when he isn't facing Luke.

*

  when he wakes again, Luke is in bed facing Calum and the older boy's head is against Luke's chest hugging him tightly. the blonde's heart feels so full and he wants nothing more than to stay here all day.

  Calum's skin is soft. softer than any boy's skin he's felt before. he smells good... not like cologne but his natural scent. it's woodsy and there's a hint of mint in there. the blonde runs and hand through his hair and it was thick, soft, and smelled really good.

  Luke kind of wants to bury his face in it. while sleeping, his eyelashes fan across his cheeks. he has feminine features and Luke thinks they suit him beautifully. his plump lips are pursed and the blonde wants to kiss them silly until they're swollen.

  he puts his face in his hands and tries to calm down. Luke feels a lot of things for this boy and now that they are physically close it's overwhelming. he decides he needs a minute.

  the blonde slowly gets up out of bed and sees that it's 11 am and wonders if his dad had opened his door to check on him. he hopes not because he isn't sure how he would react to seeing his son spooning another boy in his bed.

  after he makes sure Calum didn't stir himself awake, he walks out of his room and to the bathroom. Luke takes a peek down the stairs to see if anyone is down there and doesn't see his parents. he assumes that his dad is gone or still asleep.

  when Luke gets back from the bathroom, Calum is sitting straight up on his bed with his clothes on from the night before. he looks a little bit dead inside.

  "uhh hey. you alright?" Luke asks, shutting his bedroom door with his foot. brown eyes lock on his blue ones and a smile replaces the lost look on his face.

  Luke decides he likes it much better when the boy is smiling.

  "yeah I'm good, I just have a splitting headache." Luke node and mentally slaps himself for not getting Calum some Aspirin.

  "do you want me to go get you something for that?" the blonde asks moving his hand to the doorknob again.

  Calum shakes his head and waves a hand. "nah it's all good. I should be heading home anyway. can I go out the front or should I use the window?"

  Luke thinks it would be pretty damn hot if he used the window. like some sort of secret love affair...but this isn't and Calum has a girlfriend so.

  "I'm sure the front is fine. I'll walk you out." he opens the door and leads the brunette down the stairs.

  when they are standing in the doorway. Calum surprises Luke with a hug. it's warm and the brunette wraps him up in his arms tightly.

  "thank you for letting me stay." he whispers like it's a secret to the world. like Luke isn't going to do everything in his power to protect the boy.

  "yeah no problem..." he pulls away and sees Calum's eyes are a little teary. Luke wonders why, but he isn't gonna push it.

  "see ya around Luke."


	5. five • [shoulder kiss]

  once Calum is out of the door, a weight is lifted off of Luke. it's confusing because Luke feels like he can't be his true self around Calum, but also feels he is his truest self around Calum. Luke wishes he could be all over him.

wishes he could smother him with the love and affection he deserves.

if Luke had any inclination that Calum likes him back, and if the boy didn't currently have a girlfriend, then he would flirt. he would be more open to touching him and pet names.

but he knows that the older boy doesn't like him back and is unfortunately taken. he doesn't have a chance at the moment so he has to sit back. and hopefully move on.

the blonde goes to the kitchen to make something for breakfast. he's hoping he is alone in the house, but hopes too soon because his dad is walking in the kitchen as Luke is in the middle of making eggs.

"good afternoon, Luke." he says getting a mug and begins making coffee.

"hey." Luke responds. the kitchen is cramped so they're almost dancing around each other.

Andy is sitting at the table reading the newspaper and waiting for his coffee to finish heating up in the microwave. (Ben took the coffee maker when he moved out.) Luke sits down at the table with his eggs and turns on his phone.

the microwave beeps 4 times and Luke's father finishes the article he's reading and gets up to get his coffee. "so who was that boy with you?" he questions mixing in his creamer.

Luke knew this was coming. "oh that was Calum. he's in our friend group. sorry I didn't ask, he came over on short notice." the blonde says, taking a bite of eggs and not looking up from his phone.

there's an awkward pause in the conversation. Andy nods but Luke isn't watching so he doesn't see it. "well, just stay safe and all that. if you're picking up what I'm putting down."

"dad!" Luke whines. it's funny because Luke's dad has no idea what his sons sexuality is.

actually it isn't that funny.

"I'm just saying," Andy puts his hands up in defeat, "I'm going to work. I'll see you later tonight, love you." he kisses Luke's forehead and walks out the door.

Luke loves his dad. sometimes he could be a douche but he was mostly cool. he's a great dad, and a mother ¾ of the time.

the blonde sighs at the thought of his mother. she's probably still in bed sleeping...like she always does.

he shakes his head of the thought and scrolls through his Twitter feed on his phone. after reading a tweet from Mark Hoppus, he sees that Michael texted him.

**mikey: hey u wanna meet at the park and hang out? I was planning on having a "sleepover" with u, ash, and Cal tonight ;)**

Luke rolls his eyes at Michael's stupid winky face. he low-key regrets telling him about his dumb crush, but knows it would've came out sooner or later.

**Luke: yeah sure what time at the park**

**mikey: uhh 3 ish. Ash and Cal are meeting up a bit later tho.**

**in case you have any...tea**

**to tell your best friend**

**;)**

Michael and his goddamn winky faces.

The blonde boy sends a quick text to his dad telling him he's sleeping over at Michael's and then gets his stuff ready.

_*** time skip** _

Luke begins his walk to the park. it's about halfway to Michael's house so it isn't that far at all. he can remember playing there as kids all the time. going there with Jack and Been and the older brothers not letting him play on the see saw. (and when they did get off, Luke was by himself)

he was a loner kid. didn't really take a liking to the other boys around him. and girls just stayed in their own little packs. he did find Michael along the way though, which was extremely lucky.

the blonde boy thinks about the past a lot. he's not sure how he ended up in high school so quick. to him, it feels like he could still be in the fifth grade. he's kind of scared that life is going by this fast and he's too sad to enjoy any of it.

that's an exaggeration. Luke isn't so sad, per se. he just doesn't have the zest for life like others did. he doesn't go out and do fun things and party. he isn't excited for what his future had to hold. Luke knoww he's a mediocre boy bound to live a mediocre life in a (less than) mediocre world.

Luke kicks a rock out of his way and stares down at his feet. navy Converse and cracked concrete stared back at him. he looks up and around and sees houses that look different from each other. he likes this street because of that.

no two houses on this street look the same and he likes that it contrasts from the many other streets in his town. Luke looks to his left and sees a little girl that can't be more than 8 swinging on the porch swing. a woman, Luke assumes is her mom, sits next to her.

he gives them a small wave. the little girl waves back happily and the mom smiles. Luke feels the positivity leak into his soul. it's always good when little things make your day.

coming up on his right side is the park that he was told to meet at. upon entering, he sees a giant bleach-blonde haired boy in a small swing watching something on his phone.

Luke laughs a little to himself at the fact that Michael is sitting in a swing made for a very small child. "hey fat ass you're gonna break the swing!" Michael's head turned so fast, Luke thinks he might've gotten whiplash.

the older boy rolls his green eyes with a huff and drops his phone in his lap. "what is your deal with scaring me lately?"

the natural blonde chuckles, "maybe if you weren't on your electronics so damn much you'd be aware of what goes on in the real world."

Luke gets in the swing next to him, one meant for humans older than 3, and begins swinging. he's sure he heard Michael call him a dick under his breath but he doesn't care.

it isnn't too hot of a day and there is a bit of a breeze. it reminds Luke of autumn except it isn't sweater weather and the leaves are still on the trees.

"so is there anything you'd like to tell me Hemmings?" Michael smirks and attempts to swing his legs in the swing that can't even fit half of his ass in it.

so Luke tells Michael the story of what happened with Calum the night before. it isn't so big of a deal, but Luke has been in like 2 relationships so it's not often that he has a crush and things work out. he reckons Michael is a bit more excited about his crush than he is.

he grins like a child on Christmas, "I'm just _waiting_ for you all to bone. seriously."

Luke smiles back and shakes his head because yeah. he's waiting too. but he isn't about to go initiate something when Calum is obviously taken.

"I've never seen you act this gay before. where did this come from?" Luke asks, trying to get the topic off of him.

Michael rolls his eyes like that's something he heard everyday. "okay first of all," he puts a finger in the air, "I'm not gay, I'm bisexual thank you. second of all, I'm a flaming bisexual and I don't know. Ashton brings it out in me."

"he doesn't seem gay either though." Luke notes, cocking his head to the side.

"well one of us has to be flamboyant I guess." Michael shrugs and keeps attempting to swing. Luke is ready to see him fall out of the child's swing.

"speaking of, what are you? unless you don't want to label yourself, I get it." and Luke really loves his best friend.

Michael is just so accepting and he doesn't care and Luke has no idea _why_ he thought he would care and why he didn't tell him his feelings sooner. Luke guesses he was just anxious about it.

"uhh I'm p-pansexual? I'm pretty sure. I like did research and I related the most with that term." Luke says, wringing his hands.

"ugh, that's just like being bisexual but with a cooler name." Michael scoffes and rolls his eyes.

the blonde sits there in shock because he just called Michael cool-

"kidding! I'm kidding. God you look like you just saw a ghost." the green-eyed boy chuckles and punches him in the shoulder lightly.

and Luke feels about 10 pounds lighter. he'd glad he didn't have to take back all that shit he said about Michael.

eventually Ashton and Calum meet them at the park and they all swing on the swings together. Luke feels his heart beat a little fast when Calum picks the swing next to him.

"haha Luke we're married!" Calum exclaims.

Luke chokes, "w-we're what?"

"our swings our in sync." and sure enough when Luke looks over at Calum, they are swinging at the same pace.

the brunette reaches out for Luke to take his hand. of course, the blonde obliges. it's scary, not swinging with both hands on the chains. but the blonde knows as long as Calum is holding his hand, things are gonna be okay.

*

Calum and Luke are sitting at the top of the biggest hill in the park. It's sunset and the pink-orange sky is very pretty. They're sitting alone together while Michael and Ashton play on the playground. In reality, they're probably making out in one of the tubes.

The two boys are lying on their backs, their knees up in the air until Calum puts his legs out straight so he can see the sunset better. He sighs in content and stretches his body out.

"This view is pretty beautiful." He says looking at the sunset in awe. Luke is looking at him though. His soft hair is slightly in his eyes and Luke wants to push them away, see if his bangs are long enough to go behind his ears.

"I'll bet you my view is even more so." Luke says with a happy tone in his voice. He really doesn't mean to say it out loud.

His blue eyes go wide and he freezes up, but Calum doesn't seem to notice. His eyes squeeze shut and he lets out a loud laugh with his mouth opened wide and his teeth showing. Almost like it was the funniest joke he's ever heard.

But it isn't meant to be a joke.

Luke deflates like a sad balloon. "It wasn't a joke." He shrugs his blonde shoulders and looks back up at the sky.

Calum looks over at him with a bit of a confused look on his face. "It wasn't?"

The blonde shakes his head and gets up from his spot laying on the ground. He offers Calum a hand and pulls the brunette boy up.

"Let's go, it's getting dark and I don't want to cops kicking us out of here." Luke mutters and let's go of his hand.

Calum stands there, not understanding what just happened. But he thinks Luke complimented him in a not-joking way.

*

"Okay who wants to watch a horror film?" Michael asks with a smirk on his face. It seems as if that boy is always up to no good.

He and Ashton make their way over to the couch on the side of the T.V. while Luke sits on the loveseat directly across from it. Calum comes over to sit next to him.

"No Mikey you know I don't like horror films." Ashton exaggerates with a pout on his face.

"It's okay, babe, I'll protect you from the scawy monsters." Michael says and pulls Ashton into his chest and rocks back and forth. Luke chuckles and rolls his eyes fondly at the two. He wishes he could have something like that.

"Who's gonna protect me?" Calum asks with a pout on his face. Luke looks over at him and smiles a little self-deprecatingly.

Calum scoots closer on the loveseat. (Luke guesses they call it that for a reason.) He wraps his arms around Luke's broad shoulders and presses his cheek against his right shoulder.

"I know you'll protect me, Luke." Calum exclaims and presses a soft kiss against his shoulder.

Luke's eyes go a little wide as he wraps an arm around Calum because yeah, he'll protect him. He looks up at Michael and Ashton and sees the dirty-blonde haired boy looking at them with his eyebrows furrowed while Michael sitting setting up the TV.

Luke can tell this was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all are enjoying this so far! Au revoir tout le monde :) <3


	6. six • [im closing my eyes]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is short oops

  Luke was getting pretty into the horror film that the boys picked out. It was about these people who went camping and something in the woods was stalking them.

  He used to be scared of these types of movies when he was younger, but after watching them so often the thrill wasn't really there anymore. But he did use it as an excuse to let Calum snuggle up to him.

  The brunette boy had been hiding his face in Luke's shoulder for a while but he had gone to the bathroom a few minutes ago. Luke was just waiting for him to come back.

  His eyes went to the left of the TV to see a figure walking towards him. He jumped a little, even though he knew it was Calum his silouette scared him to death.

  "Did I scare you? I'm sorry." Calum chuckled and sat next to him.

  All of a sudden a figure popped up on the screen that cought Luke off guard and made him jump again. However, it made Calum leap out of his skin and hide his face in Luke's forearm where it was resting on the blondes lap.

  Luke shivered from how close Calum was to his crotch. He tried desperately to not think those thoughts, and it helped that someone was being eaten on the TV screen which made Luke's stomach churn. He wasn't a big fan of gore.

  Calum lifted his head slightly and repositioned it on Luke's lap, taking the time to get comfortable before there was another jump scare. It was day time in the movie so that meant things were okay for a while.

  Luke moved his hand to lay on the back of the couch and rested it there. Shortly after, he heard Calum whine. The blonde hadn't realized the boy was so need until tonight. He thought it was endearing, though.

  He wasn't really sure why Calum whined until he turned toward him, grabbed his arm off the couch and put it to where it was resting on Calum's torso, close to his belly.

  The Maori boy turned back to smile at Luke and the blonde smiled back slightly. It was easy to forget he was being strung along when Calum's skin was so soft against his and Michael's basement was the perfect temperature for cuddling.

  Speaking of cuddling, Michael and Ashton were doing a little bit more than that. Ashton was practically in Michael's lap kissing all over him. Literally.

  Luke still found it a bit weird that they were a thing, but they were cute. Luke was a sucker for gay couples. They made his heart feel full that there are others out there like him. He knew there were, but they were kind of like unicorns; you know they exist but never see them.

  The blonde averted his eyes from him and looked at the TV again. He knew the movie was nearly over because the main character was battling the monster after it killed all of his friends.

  He leaned against the arm of the couch and pulled out his phone. Scrolling through his spam account feed because his main account was filled with fake people from school he followed. On his spam, he followed people and enjoyed what they posted.

  Until he sees pictures that piss him off. Like the one Calum posted on his spam of a screenshotted Snapchat picture of Lacey with text that said "I like u." Calum's caption read "when ur crush likes you back"

  He physically rolled his eyes and suddenly felt claustrophobic with Calum putting all his weight on him. As soon as he tried to get up, Calum stopped him from doing that by pushing him into the cushions of the couch.

  Luke was red in the face and aggravated now. He didn't want to look at Calum after he's been flirting with him but is exclusive with someone else. "Get off me Calum." He nearly growled.

  The brunette became small as he realized Luke wasn't joking. He got off of Luke and curled into himself on the couch. Ashton pulled away from Michael to see what was the matter but Luke was already headed to the bathroom.

  Once get got inside he closed the door and cursed it for not having a lock on it. He banged his head against the door and then turned to look at himself. His hair was a mess and his face was a little pink but he had calmed down slightly. He just had to get away from Calum.

  It made his heart ache. That Calum could so easily call him cute when he's been drinking and cuddle with him and then pull Luke's arm over him and snuggle up to them. Those weren't thing that Luke had ever done platonically with anyone.

  He sighed and wiped his face with his hand and flushed the toilet, pretending he had peed. Then he placed his hand on the doorknob and opened it.

  When Luke got back into the room Calum was leaning against the arm of the couch, the opposite end they were once cuddling on. His eyes were glistening and Luke hated himself for making him tear up.

  "Hey...I'm sorry I just got really claustrophobic and anxious for a second. It wasn't you." _Yes it was._

Calum looked up at him with big brown eyes and pouty lips that just laid that way on their own. He nodded slowly, his fluffy hair moving in his eyes a bit causing him to shake then away.

  "I get like that too sometimes." He said quietly as Luke sat on the couch next to him.

  The brunette laid his head on the blonde broad shoulder. "Yeah?" Luke asked looking down at him. The movie credits were rolling down the screen and Michael and Ashton were kisspering to each other and slowly falling asleep.

   "Yeah." The boy repeated, rubbing the hairs on the back of Luke's neck. He shivered at the touch of the boys soft fingertips.

  Luke's eyebrows knitted together. He didn't really consider that maybe Calum dealt with those types of things too. "Hm. How do you deal with it?"

  "I just have different things that calm me down. I bite my nails a hell of a lot and I twirl my rings to take my mind off of things." He says. And as an example he takes his hands from Luke's neck and twirls the rings on his long, tan fingers.

  The blonde nods in understanding. "And if I get really down I play the guitar which cheers me up sometimes. Or I listen to music. Music helps a lot. Like, you know, Joy Division and Nirvana and stuff."

  He didn't know if he was overstepping his boundaries by saying this, but he was genuinely curious, "What kinds of things get you down?"

  The brunette stops twirling his rings and wraps his arms around his knees. "My family." He mutters.

  "Wow, can relate." He chuckles humorlessly. He lays his face against Calum's head and breathes in.

The brunette doesn't elaborate, so Luke doesn't push him. But he hopes some day they can talk about things. Find out what makes Calum sad and more importantly, the things that make him smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted a cover of me singing and playing the bass to Ghost of You by 5sos if you wanna check it out :)   
>  https://youtu.be/q-5j18Aiy4A


	7. seven • [lonely]

  Luke left earlyish from Michael's house the next day. In fact, they all left no later than 11 o clock. It had something to do with Michael's dad coming home from a business trip of some kind.

  He was back at home, yet again in his bed because that is what he did when he was home. It had only been a few hours since he left Michael's house and it was only him and his mum at the house.

  On his bed he laid with a hand behind his head and the other holding his phone and scrolling through Instagram. No one had really posted anything new lately but he was going through it anyway.

  He instantly regretted going back through all the old posts when the one from last night came up. Calum's post.

  Blue eyes squeezed shut and he dropped his phone on his stomach, letting out a grunting noise. Contrary to popular belief, feeling your heart breaking in your chest isn't fun.

  Looking all the way up, he tried to let his eyelids suck his tears back in but that isn't really how it works. He brought a hand up to wipe them away quickly and then shake his head and take a deep breath.

  He really shouldn't let it affect him this much but he felt like something was pulling him to Calum. Everything with him felt right.

  Because he felt like being a petty bitch, he posted a picture on his Instagram story, covering up the camera so it would be a black image.

  He wrote out a caption for it, "lmao when ur crush doesn't like you back :")" and posted it on his story. Then he clicked his phone off and put down on the bed next to him.

  Luke brought his knees up to his chest and stared at the door directly in front of his bed. Calum was such an important part in Luke's life and he felt like Calum wouldn't even care if they weren't friends sometimes.

  It's not like they really talked outside of school before, this summer is the only time they've hung out. Sure they've had conversations over Snapchat but that was about school or homework or whatever.

  Calum always asked him for homework answers. And of course Luke would always give them to him. First of all because he's a good friend and second because, and this is a popular theme in his life, he'd do anything for Calum.

  And it sounds dumb because when you think of love or teenagers being in love it sounds stupid. Like teenagers don't really know how to love...or do they?

  It's a fact that Luke falls too fast. Gets excited when a boy in the coffee shop gives him attention or when he gets checked out by someone cute in public. But Calum...it's like Calum was the air that filled his lungs.

  He remembers so distinctly sitting next to him freshman year English class. How their arms would brush together sometimes and he'd get a shiver down his spine that he thought was caused by the room always being drafty.

  And then when they moved seats and he was sad that he wouldn't be able to sit next to him anymore. Wouldn't get to discuss things with him like the poem they just read and how it relates to them or what kind of literary devices were in it. He was scared he wouldn't be able to hear Calum's little jokes under his breath and chuckle lightly at them.

  But, Mr. Johnson pulled through. Well, sort of. He made the "mistake" of seating then together again. Calum had raised his hand to tell him, but Mr. Johnson just said to deal with it and that the year was almost over anyway.

  They became closer during world history, though, a class where they also sat by each other. Luke would sit behind Michael's chair in that class to see if Ms. Russ would notice if he wasn't there while Calum would laugh.

  Luke would say "here" during attendance but Mrs. Russ never noticed he wasn't there until lunch time when he stood up. He wasn't sure why he did it, but when he saw the big smile on Calum's face he remembered why.

  They just...clicked. Luke was a sucker for soulmate stories and knowing that someone out there is meant for you. He really and truly though that Calum was it for him, until he felt his phone vibrate next to him.

  He watched it light up and leant down to read it. Calum had replied to his story on Instagram.

  Luke felt his stomach drop and the cold creep up his spine. His breathing speed up a little and his heart was bound to beat out of his chest. He really, _really_ did not want to see what Calum had to say.

  But he had to look sooner or later. And he decided to do it sooner rather than later. He tapped on the notification and put in his passcode. His phone led him to the Instagram app and there is where he saw the dreaded question.

  _@calumhood: this might be reaching...but am I your crush?_

  Luke's heart stopped and he felt his stomach begin to churn. A chill ran through his spine and his heart rate picked up. Either he could lie and there be absolutely no chance of them happening, or he could tell the truth and maybe Calum secretly likes him back?

  @lukehemmo: yeah you are  
  @lukehemmo: sorry

  It was a bit stupid to apologize but he didn't want to make Calum uncomfortable with his feelings. After all he didn't know how Calum felt (but he was 99% sure.)

  _@calumhood: no it's okay! I promise this won't change our friendship or anything like that._

Friendship   
friend ship   
f r i e n d s h i p

  Luke knew that was all they had but it still didn't stop his heart from breaking. Seeing those words written out on his screen. Staring back at him, taunting him.

  He felt his eyes well up with tears as he typed a response.

  _@lukehemmo: yeah_

Calum was quick to respond. He sent something back about a meme or a vine of some sorts. He was pretty sure it was the one of the little girl saying "I smell like beef" but he clicked his phone off.

  He let it rest on the edge of the bed and it ended up falling onto the floor and making a noise but he didn't care. Didn't care if it cracked or whatever. He left his phone there and he laid on the bed with his legs tucked into his chest.

  It couldn't be decided how long he laid there. The sun came up and the sun set a couple times. His stomach growled a couple times. His phone buzzed a few times. His dad came in once or twice.

  The only time he got up is one day when it was dark outside. He was pretty sure it was Sunday or something, he tends to lose track of time during the summer.

  There was a small knock on the door and, assuming it was his dad he said, "come in." His voice was hoarse because he hasn't talked to anyone in a couple days.

  "Hey baby." Luke froze on his bed. That voice. That goddamn, sugar-sweet, innocent sounding voice that made him want to rip his ears off.

  He slowly sat up and looked at his mother who was standing halfway in, halfway out of the threshold of the door. She had bags under her eyes and she was the frailest he had ever seen. He thinks hands were shaking and she looked old.

  "What?" He said in an annoyed tone, clearing his throat to make it deeper.

  "I just wanted to see how you were." She said, walking in slowly. He gave her a look that said 'I dare you to come closer' and she stopped.

  "I'm fine, thanks, you can get out." He said gritting his teeth. She was the last person he wanted to talk to.

  "Are you sure, baby? Let's talk." She said and again tried to move closer. He got angry and sat up even straighter, fisting his hands in the sheets.

  "Please leave, _Liz._ " He seethed getting angrier as the seconds went by.

  She looked taken aback by his tone of voice but Luke didn't give two shits. She nodded and inched toward the door slowly, closing it softly.

  He fell backwards and began wailing loudly, not caring who heard.

  When did he let himself get so broken?


	8. eight • [falling down]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason ao3 hasn't been letting me post chapters but I guess it works now ? Sorry for the wait

Now that Luke 100% knew he couldn't have Calum, he wanted him more. Every time a picture popped up on his feed of Calum his heart practically melted inside his chest. 

  And last night had been something. It was a couple days after Luke had confessed to his feelings and he hadn't hung out with the boy since. 

  He was just scrolling through Tumblr and all that as normal when he gets a Snapchat from Calum. But it's a chat, it isn't a picture so he knows it's not streaks. He opens it up and sees 4 words that make his heart beat fast. 

calum: luke I need help 

  He had been quick to respond, because of the person he is and was raised to be, in case there was an emergency. 

Luke: what's going on?  
Calum: im just  
Calum: really fucking anxious and down right now  
Luke: do you need to talk about it ?  
Calum: no just...some of my friends aren't being very friendly  
Luke: how do you mean? 

  Luke wasn't sure if he was being bullied or if he got in a fight with someone but he was eager to find out. He hoped that him and Ashton or Michael didn't have a falling out.

Calum: you don't know them  
Calum: they keep calling me useless and that I should just end it all and I didn't even do anything  
Calum: just get my mind off of it please  
Luke: well Calum you are definitely not useless. Do not fucking end it all because you don't know how much that affects people. Your parents and relatives will be devastated. Hell, I will be devastated. Michael, Ashton, all your friends at school.  
Calum: my parents wouldn't give a shit. they only care that my grades are good  
Calum: and Calum and Ashton have you. and I hurt you  
Luke: yeah well that's how life goes. And just because they have me doesn't mean that you matter any less to them  
Luke: Ashton and Michael and I all love you so much. You're such a positive presence and you deserve to be alive and live a life just like the rest of us.  
Calum: i guess  
Calum: thanks Luke 💕  
Luke: and here's a link to a video of a cat with a really deep meow https://youtu.be/w7x_lWJNnNg  
Calum: thanks 😂 

  Luke wiped a hand over his face and shut his phone off. He didn't understand what kind of "friends" would say that to someone. He knew it couldn't be Michael because even in their biggest fights, he had never gone on to say something like that. And though he didn't know Ashton a whole lot, he didn't think that the boy would say anything along those lines. 

  The blonde sighed and plugged in his phone, deciding he'd go to sleep. He was happy he could help Calum, and hoped the older boy would be there for him if he were in a similar situation.

*

  "Don't sit on him! You'll break him, Michael." Ashton reprimanded before pushing Michael out of the way and shaking the blonde boy's shoulder. 

  Michael huffed and crossed his arms over his chest as Calum laughed. "Is that a fat joke?" 

  "Yes." Ashton said smiling as Luke's eyes fluttered open. 

  "Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!" Calum yelled before jumping on top of Luke on his bed.

  The blonde groaned and attempted to pull the covers over his head, but they were pulled down by Ashton. "You better actually have eggs and bacon if you want to live." He muttered.

  Calum smacked his cheek and little bit and laughed before sitting up on his bed. "It smells like death warmed over and your clothes are everywhere." Ashton said throwing the clothes in his unused hamper in the corner of his room.

  "Yeah yeah, I know." Luke sighed and threw his legs over the side of his bed. He was just wearing his navy boxer briefs and his hair was all over the place. 

  Calum looked over at him and gulped. His eyes trailing over the miles of smooth pale skin. He shook his head and looked up to see Michael furrowing his eyebrows at him. The brunette boy then began to busy himself with grabbing random clothes for Luke and throwing them at him.

  "Go shower, you stink. We have something to tell you afterward." At this point, Michael and Ashton had gone downstairs and left the two alone. 

  Luke turned around and put a hand on his hip, the other coming up to wipe the remaining sleep from his eyes. "One sec, let me.." he trailed off and began making up his bed. 

  Calum just stood there like a deflated balloon, holding Luke's clothes in his hand as Luke bent over his bed to tuck in the sides of his sheet. His ass on full display, and his back muscles shifting with every move he makes. 

  "What?" The brunette didn't realize he was staring. He blinked and looked Luke in the eye. 

  "I-" he started but couldn't really think of anything to say in response, he averted his eyes from Luke's toned body and looked toward a poster on his wall. 

  The blonde began walking toward him and Calum wanted to step backward, but didn't. Luke got as close as he could so they were chest to chest. Calum could smell his morning breath and it was horrible, but he didn't mind it so much. 

  He took the clothes from Calum's hand and brushed their chests together, which caused goosebumps to arise on tan skin. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." He smirked and walked out the door. 

  Calum placed a finger over his bottom lip and just kept it there for a few seconds, his brain going a million miles a minute. 

*

  "So we were on the grass laying there making out and then the sprinklers came on!" Michael shouted and began clap-laughing as he retold a story of him and Ashton. 

  Luke walked into the living room and sat down on the couch next to Calum, winking at the boy. He wasn't laughing at the story Michael was telling but Ashton was and that's all that mattered to him. 

  He still had some droplets of water on his skin and they were glistening. His black T-shirt was sticking to him slightly, but looked good with the white basketball shorts he was wearing. Calum had good taste in fashion. 

  The brunette puffed his chest out a bit at the fact that Luke was wearing clothes he picked out. He's not sure why but it made him feel some type of way. He leaned into the couch and crossed his legs as he waited for Michael and Ashton to calm down. 

  The platinum blonde haired boy sighed with a smile on his face and saw that Luke and Calum weren't laughing with him and Ash. "Guess you had to have been there." He shrugged and leaned into Ashton's side. 

  Ashton wrapped an arm around his shoulders and placed a kiss in his hair. "So here's what's up. My uncle has a beach house on Wattamolla beach and he's going to let us four use it all next week. It's about an hour and a half drive up there so it isn't too bad. What do you say, Luke?" 

  3 pairs of eyes were on Luke and he hated it. He ways hated when attention was on him. "I, uh, when?" He wiped his now sweaty palms on his thighs. 

  Ashton smiled softly at him as if he knew what he was feeling, "We were thinking we'd leave Sunday night and stay a week. Is that cool?"  
   
  The blonde nodded and looked up at all three of them smiling. "Yeah I just have to talk to my dad but he wants me to get out anyway." Luke says with a laugh. 

  It's safe to say he's actually excited about something this summer.


	9. nine • [is it too much to ask for]

>   "Hey it's Michael."
> 
>   The platinum blonde haired boy had called Luke at 2 in the morning the night before they were supposed to head to Ashton's uncle's beach house.
> 
>   "Why the hell are you calling me?" Luke rubbed his eyes and leaned on his elbow holding his phone to his ear.
> 
>   "I wanted to tell you this so it wasn't a complete shock to you tomorrow but, uh," Michael hesitated, not really sure how to tell Luke the news he's received.
> 
>   The blonde sighed, getting slightly annoyed that he wasn't asleep currently. "Mike just please fuckin' spit it out, please."
> 
>   "LaceyiscomingtoWattamollawithus." Michael said in all one breath.
> 
>   Luke shut his eyes tightly and rubbed his temple with his free hand. _"What?"_
> 
>   Michael sighed, "Lacey is coming to Wattamolla with us. However, she is leaving on Friday because of her dance competition she has to travel for." He felt so bad springing this on Luke the night before, but he just found out himself.
> 
>   "Are you _fucking_ kidding me." He groans as he felt his throat tighten and the anxiety in his stomach rise to his chest.
> 
>   He could feel his hands behind to shake and realized he had to let Michael go.
> 
>   "Mike I have to," _gasp, "_ go. I have to go." He breathes in.
> 
>   "No, no, no, Luke. Breathe. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Stay on the phone with me, mate." Michael says, slowing his breathing down and attempted to get Luke's to match his.
> 
>   Luke felt tears brim his eyelids and his anxiety wanted to blossom like a flower in the spring. He knew he couldn't let that flower blossom. Not now.
> 
>   The blonde took deep breaths. He needed to stop his panic attack before it even started and Michael knew how to handle that.
> 
>   It was a few minutes, but he calmed down with the help of his best friend. "Luke here's what I want you to do for me, okay? Go to sleep and don't think about it. I know it's easier said than done but get your mind _off of it._ And call me if you need anything, my ringer is turned on."
> 
>   Luke yawned and out a hand over his mouth. "Thanks, Mikey." He said. The boys exchanged goodbyes and hung up.
> 
>   The blue eyed boy practiced those deep breaths and counted sheep until eventually, he drifted off into an unsettled sleep filled with dreams of Calum holding him.
> 
>   (But no one needed to know that)
> 
> *
> 
>   Luke rolled over in his bed and felt the warm sunlight against the skin of his back. He smiled as he remembered he was going to the beach later today.
> 
>   He threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, taking his phone off the charger and changing into the clothes he was going to wear on his way to the beach.
> 
>   As soon as he got done brushing his teeth, he heard his doorbell ring. Luke grabbed his large carry-on bag and hurried down the stairs. He quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a note to his dad.
> 
>   "Hey Dad. I'm leaving for Wattamolla. Call or text if you need anything. Love, Luke."
> 
> With that, he hurried out the door.
> 
>   "Get in loser, we're going to Wattamolla!" Michael exclaimed from the passenger side, a pair of sunglasses on his face.
> 
>   Luke grinned as Ashton, who was driving his Jeep, unlocked the door for him. He opened it to see Calum there smiling back at him. Luke totally forgot that Lacey was coming, but remembered when he looked at Calum.
> 
>   Though she wasn't in the car, so he was assuming she was driving her own car. Or hopefully not ran over by a bus or something.
> 
>   Just kidding.
> 
>   "Hey! How are you?" Calum said as Luke threw his stuff in the back and sat down next to Calum. The brunette boy immediately scooted closer to Luke as he waited for a response.
> 
>   Luke smiled at his eagerness to see him, his thoughts completely drifting from Lacey. "I'm okay. How are you?"
> 
>   They got into a conversation about the new All Time Low album that had come out a few days before. In the front seat, Ashton and Michael exchanged a look.
> 
>   Michael sorta kinda let slip Luke's little crush on Calum. Ashton thought it was adorable and wanted them to be together more than Lacey and Calum.
> 
>   Don't get him wrong, there's nothing wrong with Lacey. She just isn't right for Calum...and anyone who had seen the way Calum and Luke look at each other would feel the same way.
> 
>   It's as if they're kindred spirits. Like the planets aligned the day that Luke was seated next to him in 9th grade English class. They had more in common than even Luke and Calum knew.
> 
>   Ashton poked his boyfriend in the thigh with his finger and Michael placed his hand in the older boy's. Their fingers were intertwined over the console with smiles on their faces.
> 
> *
> 
>   About 30 minutes into the drive, after they'd finally gotten breakfast from McDonald's, Calum came to the realization he forgot his headphones. He had been reading his book for a half an hour and went to search for his headphones only to realize they weren't where he thought he put them.
> 
>   He pouted and whined. "I forgot my headphones." The brunette's groaned and dropped his head against the headrest.
> 
>   Luke pulled an earbud out of his ear, "What's that?"
> 
>   "I forgot my earbuds." He pouted again and gave Luke puppy dog eyes.
> 
>   Calum internally smirked, as he knew Luke and him had a similar music interest and he was hoping Luke would be kind enough to lend me him and ear bud.
> 
>   "Oh, here." Luke said as he took his right earbud out and placed it into Calum's awaiting hand.
> 
>   The brunette looked at it like it was the greatest gift he's ever received. He grinned up at Luke and put the earbud in his right ear.
> 
>   The sounds of Green Day's "Longview" filled his right ear. And _god,_ did he fucking love the bassline in this song.
> 
>   It was near the end of the song and he was kind of disappointed, but excited to see what other songs Luke had on his playlist.
> 
>   A song he didn't know came on next.
> 
> _Is it too much to ask for?_
> 
>   He looked up at Luke to see his head leaning back against the headrest, his eyes closed. Calum looked at the way his nose stuck out in a perfect nose and how pretty his Cupid's bow is.
> 
> _Can I put my lips on your skin, baby?_
> 
> Calum leaned his head against Luke's shoulder and shut his eyes as he curled against him like a cat and let out a yawn.
> 
>   Luke opened his eyes to see Calum leaning against him and he smiled. He ran his fingers through the thick, fluffy brown locks, sighed in content, and leaned his head back against the headrest.


	10. ten • [her]

 

* * *

Calum couldn't help the way he stared. Luke's body shone in the sun and his mouth was practically watering. The miles of skin splayed out next to him was practically glowing as the bright summer sun cast on him.

  He had a sheet of sweat on his skin and his hair was down instead of being pulled back like it sometimes was. When he had taken it out of the ponytail holder, he had whipped it around and ran a hand through it. Calum was sure this was hell.

  His mind was completely void of thought of his _own fucking girlfriend._ The brunette had no idea when she was coming, or even if she was at all. Lacey could be wishy washy sometimes when it came to plans.

  He and Luke had stayed back while Michael and Ashton raced into the salty sea water together. The older of the two had made it first, and Calum watched as Michael pushed him into the water abd then diving into it himself. They came up a few seconds later with Michael's legs wrapped around Ashton's waist and then laughing about something.

  Calum sighed and smiled at the two. He's very glad they got together because Ashton never shut the fuck up about him, and now that they're together it's even worse but Calum doesn't really mind.

  "Do you want to get in soon?" Luke lifts his sunglasses up and turns his head to look at the brunette.

  He shrugs in response, "Sure that's fine." Luke nods and lowers his head back on where it was resting on his hands.

  A couple minutes go by as Calum feels the warm Summer breeze against his tan skin. He basks in it and really is enjoying it until someone comes up to them.

  "Hey." Calum lowers his sunglasses and looks toward where the sound came from.

  He sees a tall, shirtless guy with brown hair and blue swimming trunks on. The man's eyes are on Luke, but it doesn't stop Calum from raising an eyebrow and sitting up a little straighter.

  Luke sits up and leans his weight on his right elbow looking up at the guy. "Yeah?"

  The guy smiles what seems like a self-deprecating smile and scratches the back if his head. "I saw you...at the bar earlier and wanted to say something but you left quickly. My name's Rian. He squats down and holds a hand out and it's painfully awkward.

  "Uh hi. I'm Luke." He murmurs in response and shakes the man's hand.

  Calum feels something ugly rise from the pit of his stomach to his throat. He wants to blurt out "stop" or "get on somewhere, mate" but he doesn't. He sits there and let's it happen.

  "Can I get your number?"

  "I mean I'm just here on vacation I'm not..." Lie trails off. This kind of thing never happens to him so he's not really sure how to react.

  He nods in response, his smile dropping. "That's alright. Maybe I'll see you around? I come here pretty often, so." Rian shrugs and gives another smile.

  Luke nods and glances at Calum. He can see the blush high on Luke's cheekbones. Calum doesn't understand the feeling inside him that makes _him_ want to be the cause of Luke's blush.

  "Sure." Luke smiles wide and they say goodbye to each other. Calum is in a sour mood all of a sudden. Though he has no right to be. Luke had admitted his feelings and Calum just kinda brushed them off...which was a shit thing to do but he didn't return them and he was taken.

  The blonde doesn't even comment on the events that just happened. Just tugs on Calum's arm and jerks his head toward the big blue sea.

  The 4 boys splash and push each other all around in the summer. Today was just a swim and chill day, but tomorrow they would surf. Luke was both parts nervous and excited to see Calum in a wetsuit.

*

  After Michael complaining his skin was going to burn off and Luke claiming he had a sunburn on his scalp, the four boys went back to his uncle's beach house.

  The had just driven a few miles down the road from the beach house because more people were down the way. Michael had argued saying he liked being solitary, but Ashton thought it would be more fun with more people.

  When they got back to the place, Lacey had been there. In the flesh. It was great.

  Great for Calum and Lacey, yeah. She ran to him and he picked her up and swing her around and kissed all over her face while she giggled. He carried her fucking bags up to _you their room_ and threw her on _their bed._

  (Luke only knows this because he was walking by at the time. He isn't a stalker.)

  Now they're sitting in the back porch area looking out on the beach sitting close to the bonfire. Luke watched as Lacey was curled in Calum's lap like a cat, him running his fingers through her hair and occasionally whispering things in her ear that made her giggle.

  He's sure he has a constipated look on his face. As soon as he becomes aware he fixes his face, but not before Calum can look up at him. Brown eyes lock on blue ones for a split second before they're being averted. He licks his lips and smirks, his mind already gone somewhere else.

  "You know some guy hit on Luke today." Calum announces, licking his teeth and staring straight into Luke's soul.

  Michael raises an eyebrow where he's leaning against Ashton's chest on the long beach chair they shared. He shifts and turns to face Calum. "Pretty boy say what?"

  "What?" Ashton says, not understanding. Michael laughed and hit his chest. "No but what happened? Spill the tea."

  Luke blushes and rolls his eyes. "It was nothing, really." He rubs his arm and ignores the 4 pairs of eyes staring at him.

  "Clearly it was something." Lacey said with a giggle. Luke thinks she's so cute and she's really polite. He would like her if he didn't have eyes for someone else.

  "He just asked for my number and I told him that I'm just visiting." Luke shrugs and takes a sip of the whiskey and Coke that Ashton poured him earlier.

  (Apparently Ashton's uncle said they could take anything from the liquor cabinet and he wouldn't know. And if he did know he wouldn't tell.)

  Michael groaned and face palmed. "You could've had like a little summer fling!" He said almost disappointedly.

  Calum grips Lacey's waist tighter at that statement while Luke laughs amusedly. The whiskey in the blonde makes him feel good. Better than he has in a month. "He was like in his 30s."

  A sigh is let out followed by a disappointed teacher look on Michael's face which is essentially what he is. "Even better! Hello? Sugar daddies." He says like this should be obvious to Luke.

  Ashton laughs at Michael's tone of voice and kisses him lightly on the forehead. Lacey giggles in response as well. And cuddles deeper into Calum's chest.

  Luke feels a hand squeeze his heart as he fights these feelings he has. He knows ever second he spends with Calum, his feelings just get stronger.

 


	11. eleven • [don't say a word]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> \- age gap  
> \- illegalities involving the age gap

The next morning, Luke is the first one awake in the house. Instead of staying in bed, he pads down the stairs, with just sweatpants and socks on, hoping to make himself something to eat as his stomach was growling at him.

  He puts some water in the coffee maker and walks around the house while he's waiting for it to finish. Yesterday, he didn't get much of a chance to look around because they were rushing to get to the beach and swim. It had been such a hot day, but today it's overcast and looks like it might rain.

  Luke opens the glass sliding door that led to the small balcony outside. There are a few chairs and a small table in a circle. Of course, it overlooks the beach and Luke can see the waves in the distance crashing into the shore.

  He looks to his left to see another beach house not too far away. It's the same height, but a completely different design. It was a soft, Robin egg blue while theirs is a light, Burch wood.

   A man standing on the balcony of the house, leaning over the railing catches Luke's eye. He's leaning toward Luke's direction, but looking down at his phone so the blonde isn't able to see his face. However, he is dressed in shorts without a shirt.

  He has a nice body. Luke can tell just by looking at him that the guy works out. He has abs and his biceps are probably bigger than Luke's head.

  Luke is so busy looking at this guy's body that he doesn't notice the guy looking up at him and calling his name.

  Wait his name?

  "Luke? Is that you?" The guy calls, squinting his eyes. Luke can't believe it's Rian. The guy at the beach that tried to get his number the day before.

  "Rian?" He asks, walking closer to the left edge of the balcony. "Hey." He yells, waving a little shyly.

  "Hey." Rian grins back, his hands on his hips. Luke watches him body scan him with a wink as he calls, "Let me put a shirt on I'll come over if that's cool?"

  "Yeah that's fine. I'm making coffee." Luke calls back. Rian nods with a thumbs up and slips inside his house.

  The blonde runs back inside, totally forgetting about his coffee as he hurried to grab something better to wear. Luke looks through his bag and finds a black 'The Offspring' shirt and slips it on, looking at himself in the mirror. He remembers that Rian has checked him out twice without a shirt on and decides nothing can be worse than that.

  Luke honestly looks like he just woke up, but Rian already saw him so he guesses it doesn't matter. Maybe...he and Rian could have a summer...thing, he thought. It didn't have to be a fling, per se, but it could be something.

  As soon as Luke walks back into the kitchen, the doorbell goes off. The blonde does his best to shake all his anxiety away before walking to the front door and opening it.

  Rian is now wearing a black shirt as well as black gym shorts and flip flops. "Hey." He smiles showing his perfect teeth. Luke can't deny his smile is really attractive.

  "Hi. Come on in." Luke says smiling softly and moving out of the way so Rian can walk inside.

  He walks in slowly, looking around the place. Luke guides him to the brown leather couch in the living room. "Would you like coffee? I just made some fresh." Luke offers, not sitting down because he knew he was going to get some for himself.

  Rian nods, "That'd be great, yeah. Sugar and cream please." Luke gives him a thumbs up and walks to the kitchen to make it.

  Luke sits back down on the couch beside Rian and places both mugs of coffee on the coffee table and waiting for them to cool down before drinking it.

  "So how crazy is it that my friends uncle's vacation house is right next to the guy's who asked me for my number?" Luke comments, picking up the mug and sipping from it.

  Rian let's out a chuckle, "Yeah that is a bit wild. Maybe it's meant to be." He notes jokingly.

  The blonde laughs, "So tell me about yourself."

  "Well, my name is Rian Dawson. I'm a cardiologist. I live in the house next to this one...uh." Luke's eyes practically pop out at the mention of his career.

  "Cardiologist? Damn. You must've been in school for a long time." Luke comments.

  He shrugs. "Yeah but it was worth it. Though I've been working at my job for about a year, I love what I do." Luke smiles fondly. He hopes he finds something he loves to do as well.

  He really loves writing. He took a class on it junior year and hoping to move up a level his senior year. It doesn't have as great of pay as a cardiologist, but if he loves it then does the pay matter?

  "That's really awesome. It's everyone's dream to find something they love doing and have it pay decently, but that doesn't always happen." Luke remarks. Rian nods back at him.

  "So I'm assuming you're in college?" Rian asks trailing off.

  At this point in time, neither of them notice Michael walking into the kitchen. He's leaning closely to the door that leads to the living room, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation.

  Luke inwardly cringes at the question. He smiles but it looks more like a grimace. "Actually I'm 17...but I turn 18 next month?"

  Michael and Luke watch as the man's face twists into something of confusion. "Oh shit...you can't even go to pubs." He laughs awkwardly and scratches the back of his head.

  The blonde actually cringes at that and nods self deprecatingly. "Actually he can." Michael announces, grabbing his wallet from the bowl on the counter and waltzing into the room.

  "He can?"

  "I can?"

  "Yes, Luke, you can. Because I, Michael Clifford, have gotten you a fake ID." True to his word, he pulls the fake ID out of his pocket and hands it to Luke.

  It's a picture of Luke photoshopped onto a license, but it looks believable enough to get into a club. Luke nods his head, not really approving of the act but going with it anyway.

  No one hears nor sees as Calum walks down the stairs and into the kitchen. He stops when he hears an unknown voice coming from the living room.

  "Alright...well me and some buddies of mine were planning on going to a bar or two tonight if you wanna join? We'll start at Otto's we'll either stay there or bar hop." Luke nods with a grin on his face. "Oh I'm Rian, by the way."

  Michael gives him a fist bump as a devilish grin takes it's place on his face, "I'm Michael and we'll see you there." He answers for Calum and walks back into the kitchen with Calum still standing there.

  "I'll walk you out " Luke announces and leads him to the front door, still not seeing how Calum is watching them, paying close attention to their interactions.

  Luke opens the door and stands by it as Rian hovers in the doorway for a second. "I'll see you tonight?" Rian asks with a hopeful smile and a glint in his eyes.

  "Yep." Luke leans in to peck him on the cheek and waves goodbye as he walks out the door.

  He spins around and presses his back to the wooden door. Luke shuts his eyes, not believing a 28 year old wanted to hang out with a group of teenagers...unless the whole thing was just a joke and he isn't actually going to see Rian. Once the blonde opens his eyes again, he finds brown ones staring back.

  Calum leans against the doorframe, his thick eyebrows furrowing, "The fuck was that guy doing here?"

  Luke smiles and walks into the kitchen to get his coffee, poking Calum as he passed the brunette.

*

  When they get accepted into the bar, which surprises Luke but at the same time didn't because the guard seemed like he hated his job, the first thing the blonde does is order a round of shots. He knows tonight he's going to get smashed and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it.

  His four friends got a table while he ordered the shots. It was clear they arrived a little earlier because there weren't a lot of people yet, but he had a feeling Rian would be coming soon.

  Or maybe he just hoped.

  Luke quickly locates the table his friends were seated at. They're in the middle of a conversation that Luke didn't know the topic of, so he sat down and kept to himself a little bit.

  Michael turns from Ashton to Luke with a smirk on his face, "Do you think Rian's gonna come?"

  The blonde shrugs, "I don't know. I mean I hope so but...we are a group of teenagers and he's almost 30."

  And he really didn't know. If he were thirty, he personally wouldn't want to be hanging out with high schoolers. But maybe Luke is an exception for Rian.

  A grin found its way into Michael's face as he licks his teth, "I saw the way he looked at your ass in your _sweatpants._ If he was ogling your ass in sweats, I think he wants a little more than friendship."

  He says it like it's obvious. Like Luke just automatically knows this stuff. But the thing is, he doesn't. And it scares him. He _was_ in a place where he had a huge crush on Cal, and here he is maybe, _possibly_ about to hookup with some thirty year old.

  Life's a ride, he guesses.

  As soon as thoughts of Rian enters his mind, a voice that sounds like Ashton's is announcing, "I think your boy just got here, Luke."

  Luke's body fills with anxiety and he's turning around in his seat. Sure enough, his blue eyes fell on Rian and his friends, walking into the door of the club, the neon light of the "open" sign shining on their faces.

  Their eyes meet and Rian is grinning as he's saying something in one of his friend's ears. The friend is a few good inches taller than Rian with bleach blonde hair, similar to Michael's.

  Luke rises slowly from his seat and his feet, apparently on autopilot, begin taking him in the direction of the older boy. Soon they're standing in front of each other, the lights of the club shining everywhere and making the boys' skin glow different colors.

  As Luke and Rian talk, Calum is basically fuming. Lacey looks at him with concern in her green eyes as Michael and Ashton hold in their giggles.

  "I don't understand why that...that _creep_ is still going after Luke. Isn't he like 30?" Calum says, his eyebrows knitting together in frustration as he watches things go down with Rian and Luke.

  "Babe, Luke is a big boy. I'm sure he can take care of himself-"

  "No but that's the thing," Calum interrupts, turning combative rather quickly so early in the night, "He _isn't_ a big boy. Luke isn't even eighteen yet, Lace. And this man is like...into him and it's illegal."

  The brunette's eyes are wide, and scared. He looks to Ashton, who's the oldest in the group, and pleads with his eyes. Calum knows people aren't very trustworthy these days and he doesn't want to see his friend getting hurt.

  _Friend._

  That word rings in his head over and over again, but he dismisses it. Like every other thought of Luke he had. Calum shakes his head and closes his eyes. "Cal, if it gets out of hand we'll step in. But for right now, he's fine. They're just friends."

  Calum nods and takes another shot that rests on the table. His leg begins bouncing with anxiety.

*

  About 2 hours later and everyone except Ashton is basically shitfaced. Luke had been grinding on Rian on the dance floor throughout the entire night. At first, he had just been dancing in a joking way, pretending to know what he's doing. But when the last few Jager bombs hit him, he was dancing like no one was watching.

  But someone was watching. A pair of chestnut eyes were hard to drag away from the dancing boy. Luke had always been so tightly wound and anxious about anything and everything, and it felt good to let go. And it felt good to _see_ him let go.

  Michael had, obviously, just been dancing with Ashton. Though they were somewhere else on the dancefloor. But neither Calum nor Luke we're worried about them.

  Calum has his own place on the dance floor. It's near Luke, but not close enough for them to touch each other. The floor is so packed with dozens of others dancing with their partners, or just by themselves.

  The brunette's hands are on Lacey's hips. She's swinging them around, not a care in the world. Calum feels hyperaware of everything he's experiencing. He glances to his left and watches the way Luke's skin shines in the multicolored lights casting on him, his blonde hair pretty and messy.

  But then he focuses back on Lacey. Her brown hair a definite contrast from Luke's blonde locks. Her thin waist compared to Luke's thin, but also broad waist. Her green eyes compared to Luke's ocean blue ones. She's so beautiful tossing her long hair back behind her shoulder and pulling Calum into her so that their foreheads rest together and things get hot quickly.

  Luke is doing something similar. With Rian, he has his hands splayed on his back while the older man's large hands rest on Luke's narrow waist.

  The blonde loves it. Absolutely loves knowing that Rian is breathing hard because of him and Rian is desperately grabbing on to him. He likes how Rian whispers thing since his ear that churns Luke stomach in a good way. He likes the feeling of being _wanted._

  But is he wanted by the right person?

  Sooner rather than later, Lacey is pulling all the way away from Calum, saying she has to go to the restroom. He gives her a peck on the cheek and watches as she disappears into the crowd of people.

  Calum looks around for a minute, trying to spot anyone he knew so he wouldn't look like a loser. He glances around, and does a double take when he spots blonde hair and a white button down.

  Luke is by himself when Calum makes his way toward him. The younger boy is looking a little lost himself, Calum assumes that Rian left to go get more drinks or something.

  The people and the alcohol make it a bit of a struggle to get to Luke. Calum attempts to look cool while striding over to him, but in reality he is dodging people and trying not to fall over.

  Once he reaches Luke he smiles widely. "Hey." They're sort of just standing, not really dancing.

  Luke is smiling at him so that his dimple pops out. "Rian went to go get a couple drinks. Where's Lacey?"

  Calum gestures in the general direction of the women's room. "Restroom. May I have this dance?" He asks even though there isn't a slow song on.

  Luke giggles and nods, his face flushed because of the alcohol and the sweaty bodies around him. They begin to dance to the beat of the music, a distance between them even though Calum specifically asked to dance with him.

  From afar, it looks awkward, but it works for them. However, as the song goes on, they gradually get closer because of the people around them pushing in.

  Calum's head spins when Luke is wrapping his arms around his neck. His hands automatically go to Luke's narrow waist, and he's trying not to think about how his waist curves into his ass quite nicely and how his legs look in the leather pants he's wearing.

  Closer, closer, closer. They move as the song gets slower, though still upbeat. Calum is pulling Luke close, close, close. He can see the pretty blue in his eyes and the soft pink of his lips.

  He pushes forward and connects their lips. Luke groans, loves the way their lips feel together. It's warm and wet and Luke swears he's in heaven.

  But all of a sudden he's pushing away. _No no no_ this isn't what he wants. The blonde is shaking his head and Calum's mouth is ajar.

  Calum doesn't realize it until after Luke is shoving his shoulders roughly and turning away that he was crying. The split second of seeing the tears fill the brim of the cerulean eyes was enough to make Calum chase after Luke through the crowd.

  He's breathing heavily when he finally escapes the bodies that formerly surrounded him. Brown eyes dance across the room until he's spotting Luke.

  Calum watches helplessly as Luke drags a handsy-looking Rian out the door of the club. When they leave, the brunette's eyes fall on Ashton and Michael at the table they were all formerly at. They broke off the makeout session they were having to look over at Calum with a sadness in their eyes. Behind him, Lacey is pulling him back into the crowd to dance with her some more.

  And later in the night, when Luke gives himself over to Rian and let's himself be filled with the foreign type of pleasure, a hand is squeezing Calum's heart until it feels as if it's going to burst.


	12. twelve • [we can't be friends]

_Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap._

Luke listens to the pitter patter of the rain against the window pane. A hand lay on his stomach and a warm body lay next to him, facing away.

He would face away from himself too.

It was early hours in the morning. Lonely hours. He was someone who sometimes woke up early, but didn't _actually_ wake up. Luke would bask in the morning light, the quietness of everything just waking up. He loved it.

However, today he doesn't. Today he feels dirty. His heart feels used in a way he can't describe even if he wanted to.

His mind is so boggled up, he can't remember which way is right or left, up or down. And for the life of him, he can't think of a reason why he was placed on this Earth.

Why would any power up there put him here to suffer? To steal oxygen from gasping humans who need it more than he ever will? He wishes he could take the pillow Rian's head is resting on and suffocate himself with it.

Luke doesn't understand why. Why Calum would, basically, tell him he doesn't return his feelings and then kiss him. Why his brown eyes gazed into his own just the night before like he hung the moon and stars.

The blonde is shaken from his thoughts when the body next to him begins to stretch. He turns his head, watching as Rian's body shifts so that the older man is now facing him.

Luke is surprised he didn't leave last night. He didn't think he was anything worth staying for, especially when Rian got all he probably wanted in the first place.

"Hey, baby." Rian leans up to kiss his cheeks and scoots closer to the younger boy. Luke blushes both from attention and shame.

Luke plasters a fake smile onto his face. "Hey." He whispers, quieter than a mouse. Thankfully, Rian doesn't notice it's fake. At least, Luke doesn't think he does.

"You were great last night." The older man comments with a wide smile.

The blonde gulps, his saliva having a hard time finding its way down his throat. "Thanks, you too." He nods and turns away, "I'm going to take a shower."

Before he can get out of bed and escape the awkwardness that is this situation, Rian places a hand on his waist lightly. "Let me join you? I'll give you a massage." He leans down and places a kiss on Luke's shoulder.

He inhales deeply and nods. A massage sounds nice, though he desperately wants to be alone to figure all this shit out.

Luke gets up off the bed and Rian follows after, "You can borrow a pair of boxers." Rian nods and takes the pair that Luke hands him.

As Luke is walking out the door, Rian takes hold of his hand. The blonde finds the gesture endearing - he doesn't think anyone has ever treated him like this. Doesn't think anyone has ever actually _wanted_ or _needed_ him.

He stutters in his step and glances back at Rian who is grinning at him. Luke shoots a smile back at him and leads him out the door and to the bathroom down the hallway.

As soon as Luke looks back in front of himself again, he's locking eyes with Calum. The brunette boy is walking out of his bedroom with only a pair of boxers on.

Luke feels a shiver go up his spine at the hurt, confusion, and anger in Calum's stare. He averts his eyes and tries to ignore the cool breeze that hits his skin as they pass each other.

He opens the door to bathroom and watches as Rian closes it behind himself.

"That was a little weird, are you two alright?" Rian comments and strips himself of the boxers he wore last night. Luke nods, "Yeah Calum isn't a morning person. He needs at least a cup of coffee before he can make any type of conversation." He fakes a laugh and takes off his own boxers.

He can feel Rian's eyes on him as he turns the nobs to turn the water on. He's ashamed to say he likes it. Likes the attention. But can't help but want it from another person.

Thinking of Calum's hurt gaze made his blood boil. He didn't _get_ to be mad, Luke is the one who's mad. Luke didn't hurt him, it was the other way around.

He shakes his head of those thoughts and pushes the shower curtain back, taking a step in and letting the hot water run down his body.

His eyes flutter close, but he senses Rian stepping in after him. His big hands find their way to Luke's shoulders and begin to rub.

Rian presses his fingers into Luke's shoulder blades and rubs out the tension. The blonde let his head lull back as Rian's hands trail to his neck and massage there too.

Slowly, his hands travel down, using his thumbs to massage the end of Luke's spine right above his ass. Before Luke knew it, Rian was grasping his cheeks. He places his chin on Luke's shoulder and leaves kisses down his neck.

Rian ran a finger down his crack, touching Luke's hole slightly. The blonde lets out a moan and allows his head to drop onto Rian's shoulder.

"You like when I play with your ass, angel?" Rian whispers in Luke's ear before gripping his right cheek hard.

Luke lets out an even louder moan that echoed through the bathroom.

Before Rian could even finger him, there's banging on the door. "There better be hot water left when I get in there!" Luke could recognize that voice anywhere.

He turns around in Rian's grip and gives him a slightly disappointed smile. They take the rest if their shower and was each other before drying off and getting dressed.

*

Luke and Rian walk downstairs and all eyes are on them. The two boys ignore it as Luke walks Rian to the front door.

"I'd stay for breakfast but I'm gonna go ahead and get a run in." Luke nods and Rian pulls him in.

Their lips meet and Luke is leaning into him, wrapping his arms around Rian's neck. The older man gives Luke's ass a slight squeeze before he's walking out the door.

Luke closes the door and turns around heading toward the kitchen. Everyone began to focus on their breakfast - except for Calum. Blue eyes meet brown before Calum is looking down and focusing on buttering his toast.

  The boys had all drank a lot last night and were suffering from headaches from their hangovers. Michael and Ashton make small talk quietly while the others eat their breakfast.

"He seems nice." Lacey comments without looking up at Luke from the waffle she's cutting.

  "He is." The blonde comments getting a gallon of milk from the fridge and filling up a cup.

  He takes a seat at the table across from Calum who's sitting next to Lacey on one  side and Ashton on the other. The brunette is taking a bite of his toast and looking at his phone screen mindlessly. Luke can tell he isn't really paying attention because he's scrolling without stopping.

  "He's also old." Calum scoffs and clicks off his phone, not meeting Luke's eye.

  Luke's blood starts to boil. As if he didn't feel bad enough, Calum had to make him feel even worse about it. Three pairs of eyes turn to look at Luke, first Lacey, then Ashton, and eventually Michael. Calum never does, though.

  Lacey places a perfectly manicured hand on Calum's shoulder, "Cal, maybe you shouldn-"

  "Shouldn't what? Judge me for making a decision that affects him in _no_ way shape or form? Shouldn't pretend I don't exist all morning and then make a comment making me feel worse than I already do about myself?" Luke snaps in response. He's standing now, chair pushed away from the table and heartbeat racing in his chest.

  Calum casts a quick glance up at Luke, but looks away before Luke can even register it happening.

  "Of course _now_ you don't have anything to say, you coward." The blonde scoffs and walks off back to his bedroom.


End file.
